Help: I have a great employee who is so abrasive I am at the end of my rope. How can she be so good and so terrible at the same time? What can be done?

Employers are frequently faced with the dilemma of having a manager who, in spite of being a dynamic thinker, a powerful strategist, a skilled technician and someone who knows how to deliver the goods, is horribly abusive toward their co-workers. The employer is then put in the position of having to consider whether or not the benefit of their contribution outweighs the costs in terms of staff turnover, liability, and reputation. 

Nowhere in the research do we see any suggestion of the dichotomy.  Typically, leadership is measured by extremes – good or bad, angels or demons, when, in fact, what we often have is a good business leader and a bully in the same person. 

The common assumption is that abrasive leaders are always overly authoritarian but research shows that laissez-fair leadership is just as apt to be associated with reports of bullying.  That is why we call bosses who exhibit the behavior destructive leaders. 

Contrary to popular belief, abrasive behavior is not necessarily a psychodynamic issue.  Very often it is rooted in the conflict between trying to achieve the goals of the organization and satisfy the needs and interests of one’s subordinates. Who wouldn’t find it difficult to be a constructive leader when the pressure is on to meet seemingly disparate demands? 

So, now we know that leaders are capable of demonstrating both destructive and constructive behaviors at the same time.  Therein lays the conflict and the opportunity because with proper training and coaching the problem can be overcome.  Destructive leaders must first learn how to empathize with their team members, to trust that they will deliver on their commitments, and to recognize that the burden of achievement does not rest squarely on their shoulders. Once we reduce the destructive behaviors we can then move toward rewarding the constructive ones. 

It’s important to note, however, that these new behaviors CANNOT be mandated. Specialized coaching and training is required that takes into account the good boss/bad bass dichotomy and then focuses on developing healthy communication skills.

The Creating Constructive Leaders Program from Confidence Connections is an 8-12 -week program that includes an on-site assessment of the abrasive behavior and a substantive coaching intervention that is based on sound research, proven strategies and client feedback.  We even offer a pre and post-test survey to help focus the coaching and document both the problem and the results. For more information contact us directly.  

We promise that if we cannot help you, we will not take the assignment.  Guaranteed.

This is a dynamite article on why lawyers and employers should hire executive coaches to handle difficult employees.  Enjoy!

A NEW LINE OF DEFENSE
Before Firing an Employee, Some Attorneys Are Recommending Coaches
By Catherine Ho
Daily Journal Staff WriterDAILY JOURNAL NEWSWIRE ARTICLE
http://www.dailyjournal.com

Building Self-Confidence: Distinguishing between Success and Fulfillment

As a professional coach, I am privileged to work with many clients from various walks of life, with differing skills and experiences.

What they all have in common is the presenting issue:

“I want a new path, new skills, new direction for my life or my career, I feel my success is slipping, I would like someone to help me sort it all out with me so I can be more fulfilled”.

This is the typical statement my clients bring to me when they begin coaching.

Sometimes this deep desire for fulfillment doesn’t ‘show up’ at first. It is more like:

“Can you help me? I want to learn this new skill, change careers, work on my relationship with my family, make a change in my lifestyle, and move. I am seeking success so I can feel fulfilled.”

Underneath these desires is the desire to build or rebuild self-confidence so that they have the courage to find fulfillment.

What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and this deeper need for fulfillment.

Most often we start with the ‘Wheel of Life’ a tool that measures fulfillment in various areas of life-career, relationship, and personal growth, among other things. Once we see the results we can understand a whole life measured by degree of satisfaction in each area. It is a snapshot taken in the present moment and gives us a direction for the work. What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and values.

As we work to connect or re-connect to self-confidence, shifts take place for my clients and life moves forward toward fulfillment. Most people think fulfillment emerges from successes. What I know to be true is success emerges from fulfillment.

Here are some self-coaching questions for you to consider when you are seeking success!

• What does success mean to you?
• Do you consider yourself successful?
• How do you know you’re successful? What measures are you using?
• How about fulfilled? Have your successes fulfilled you?
• What would you uncover if you applied success & fulfillment in different categories — family, work, career, retirement, and relationship? Does each category have a different degree of success?
• Is there something you would like to do to increase your successes and fulfillment?
• What would you need to let go of to improve?
• If you have chased successes that now seem unimportant, can you let them go?
• Overall, are you satisfied with what you discover?
• Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Can you follow them now and see if they become successes for you?
• What if you were seeking to be fulfilled? How would the answers to these questions change for you?

If you want to explore the questions of Success & Fulfillment further. Click here and access the Confidence Connections Wheel of Life and reconnect to your most confident self.