Wednesday night Aug 5^th I attended a monthly PCMA (Professional Coaches & Mentors Association) meeting here in Los Angeles. This is terrific organization with terrific programs and this meeting was no exception. We enjoyed the brilliance of Tenny Poole, Consulting Partner, Corporation for Positive Change, and specialist in Appreciative Inquiry. Appreciative Inquiry, based upon affirmation and appreciation, is both a philosophy and a methodology that explores what gives life to human systems when they are functioning at their highest level. 

Tenny gave us a wonderful presentation on AI and made one simple yet powerful recommendation I wish to share with you.  Every evening stop and think about one wonderful positive thing that happened to you, write it down and enjoy it. Stay in the positive experience. AI is the focus on what is working rather than attempting to fix what is not working (a traditional problem-solving approach). 

It seems that we will see what we want to see. Focus on the negatives, you will things that are negative; focus on what is wrong, ditto. Therefore, focus on what is going well, that’s what you will see; focus on opportunities, ditto. So, try this simple and exciting exercise for 30 days to help shift your mind to what is good and wonderful in your life. 

For everything AI and free: Click Here

For more on incorporating Appreciative Inquiry into your life, contact Confidence Connections: Kathleen@confidenceconnections.com

From my perspective, and maybe this is heresy, but negotiations are lose/lose propositions. You’re both giving things up. If you’re lucky, you’ll give up what is least important to you and hold on to what’s most important. And that brings us to point two of this report: Know what your CounterPoint wants! This is great advice, however, when you’re dealing with a bully, you cannot predict what the bully wants. You can assume he/she wants power, control, to win, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes the bully’s aggression comes from fear of the unknown, fear of failure, frustration from poor communication skills, or the habit of making all priorities have the same weight so everything is urgent or important and therefore, the bully cannot determine where to give and where to hold firm. If the bully doesn’t know, you can’t predict. You can make some assumptions but you could easily miss the mark. 

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Join me for my free e-course, Building Confidence!  During this 3 day e-course you will receive useful tips to build your confidence as well as encouragement to implement the strategies you will learn. 

You will receive Confidence Tips for:

The Shy and Retiring

Handling Difficult People

Increasing Productivity and Fullfillment

Sign up now!

This issue came up during a confidence coaching session. Several employees went to their supervisor to report a problem with another employee (Jim). It seems he had been rude to a client (as reported by the client) AND he forgot to do a very important piece of his job – so important that the consequences could be lethal. Fortunately the only consequence in this case is Jim’s on the hot seat. Exactly what upset the employees?

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Ask yourself:

Do I Have a Trusted Advisor?

Do I take Advise from that Person?

One of the most important Truths I picked up in my years learning to be an executive coach came from an extremely successful coach with a multi-million dollar coaching practice filled with some of the most successful CEO’s and business leaders in the world.

Profoundly successful business leaders TAKE ADVICE from trusted advisors and implement that advice. They do not question the advice. They seek clarification and then they implement. After all, they hired that professional to advise them, to improve their performance, to guide them to greater success. The results are always greater satisfaction, success, and fulfillment; they have more time with their families, more money to spend, and more joy in their lives. 

However, mid-level successful business leaders QUESTION ADVICE they garner from their trusted advisor. They challenge the wisdom of the wise person they have hired. They argue about the wisdom and they come up with reasons why the advice is wrong, why it won’t work in their case, and why they cannot do it.

What does that mean? The most successful people understand what they do not know and rely on experts to help them. The less successful people are unsure of themselves and DO NOT understand what they don’t know. They have to be in control and they have to be right. They think they know better than the expert. The results are their progress is slower, they don’t achieve their goals, and they work harder.

The Lesson: When you spend your time trying to re-invent the wheel, do it your own way, believe you always know best, you are impeding your own progress toward success. If you find yourself objecting to this thesis, then look at your own success and see if you’re objecting because I’ve touched a sore spot!

Next Steps: When it comes to your business, or, for that matter, your life, your dreams, your goals, even your problems, who do you trust to advise you? Do you take that advise? What can you do right now to improve your chances for success? How can your advisor help you take your business and life to the next level?  Contact me today!

Are you prepared to face, confront, and repel a bully or harasser? If you are like most of us, you’re not! Why? Who wants to think they have to prepare for a bully? We have a social contract with the world. That is ‘I treat you with respect, you respond in kind’. But, many people don’t respond to our plan for a healthy workplace. Many people have an agenda different from our own – an agenda to harm, intimidate, or control. Sometimes simply an agenda based on fear of the unknown and a bit of paranoia, and poor leadership and communication skills. 

Handling confrontations and attacks that come from bullying and fear and incompetence requires PREPARATION! 

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Building Self-Confidence: Distinguishing between Success and Fulfillment

As a professional coach, I am privileged to work with many clients from various walks of life, with differing skills and experiences.

What they all have in common is the presenting issue:

“I want a new path, new skills, new direction for my life or my career, I feel my success is slipping, I would like someone to help me sort it all out with me so I can be more fulfilled”.

This is the typical statement my clients bring to me when they begin coaching.

Sometimes this deep desire for fulfillment doesn’t ’show up’ at first. It is more like:

“Can you help me? I want to learn this new skill, change careers, work on my relationship with my family, make a change in my lifestyle, and move. I am seeking success so I can feel fulfilled.”

Underneath these desires is the desire to build or rebuild self-confidence so that they have the courage to find fulfillment.

What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and this deeper need for fulfillment.

Most often we start with the ‘Wheel of Life’ a tool that measures fulfillment in various areas of life-career, relationship, and personal growth, among other things. Once we see the results we can understand a whole life measured by degree of satisfaction in each area. It is a snapshot taken in the present moment and gives us a direction for the work. What happens next is fascinating. We build a plan based on a combination of action and values.

As we work to connect or re-connect to self-confidence, shifts take place for my clients and life moves forward toward fulfillment. Most people think fulfillment emerges from successes. What I know to be true is success emerges from fulfillment.

Here are some self-coaching questions for you to consider when you are seeking success!

• What does success mean to you?
• Do you consider yourself successful?
• How do you know you’re successful? What measures are you using?
• How about fulfilled? Have your successes fulfilled you?
• What would you uncover if you applied success & fulfillment in different categories — family, work, career, retirement, and relationship? Does each category have a different degree of success?
• Is there something you would like to do to increase your successes and fulfillment?
• What would you need to let go of to improve?
• If you have chased successes that now seem unimportant, can you let them go?
• Overall, are you satisfied with what you discover?
• Do you have any unfulfilled dreams? Can you follow them now and see if they become successes for you?
• What if you were seeking to be fulfilled? How would the answers to these questions change for you?

If you want to explore the questions of Success & Fulfillment further. Click here and access the Confidence Connections Wheel of Life and reconnect to your most confident self.

All of my clients come to me with the $ question. How much should I charge?

A Recent Harvard Business Review report noted coaching fees range from around 100 bucks to over 3K for a session. That’s quite a range. How do you figure out your sweet spot-the place your clients are willing to pay for your services? Ah, this is not a simple question, nor a simply answered question. But here’s what I know:

• You can’t charge more than you can comfortably ask because your discomfort will show through and hurt your credibility
• Your mindset influences your ability to set fees, therefore, as your confidence grows, so will your fees
• You have to determine if you’re a commodity service or a professional service: we bargain for commodities, we respect professionals
• Consider Packaging your Services: Many in private practice charge by the hours per month. But that’s not the only way to make a living
• Develop different income streams to increase your revenues
• Pay attention to your ‘league’. Are you in the majors, minors or varsity league? Plan out what it will take to move up, if you want to.
• Align yourself with bigger league players and practice, practice, practice. Even if you’re on the bench for a while, you’re hanging with the home run set and that increases your credibility.
• Work your skills and talents: All you do should be based on, please, your unique abilities, not other people’s pre-written seminars or models. It’s very difficult to be credible as a trainer IF you haven’t developed your own materials.
• Develop your unique skills: Coaching and training models can and should be adapted to suit the needs of your clients and the strengths you bring to the work. Your creative adaptations will make you uniquely qualified to serve your clients and charge your worth

Focus on the Cornerstones of Confidence

Trust Yourself
Learn About Yourself
Build Emotional Support for Yourself
Focus on Your Productivity

For a complete report on the Cornerstones of Confidence click here: http://www.salterva.com/kathleen/JVGiftCornerstones.html

Are you using social networks to find employment?
If not, you’re missing an important tool. One of my clients was found through LinkedIn when his profile matched an employer’s needs. the employer sought him out and the match was perfect.

Here are some important ways to use social networks to build your confidence connections:

• your photo
• a strong and accurate bio/resume/description of you and your background
• having others post recommendations on your LinkedIn page
• joining groups with people who would be of assistance to you
• participating in group discussions so you become known and can demonstrate your expertise
• establish connections to ‘connectors’ (those extroverts who get around and seem to know everyone)
• add connections to those in your industry
• don’t forget connections to friends and family who will learn more about you and what you do from that bio you wrote
• sharing your connections with others

For more info on social networking and other job search tips, click on the title of this article and read a recent newspaper article on this subject.

Here’s a Great way to build your confidence connections to social media marketing.