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Reading a list of standard bullying behavior can be a revelation for some people. Far too often we become so accustomed to witnessing acts of incivility that we develop a blind eye to it. This is especially true in the workplace. Verbal insults, withholding of key information, and other blatant, aggressive and manipulative behaviors are sometimes considered standard practice, to the extent that, not only are they tolerated, but they are overlooked or dismissed entirely.
But what do we do when our perceptions are telling us otherwise? You may recall the fairy tale about a Self-centered Emperor who cared only about his clothes. Two con artists come along who promise to make him the finest suit of clothes woven from a fabric that is invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor buys into the idea, and even though he cannot see the cloth himself, he pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position or stupid; and his ministers do the same. When the suit is supposedly finished, the swindlers pretend to dress him and the Emperor then parades himself before his subjects. At first, everyone remains silent, but then a child in the crowd calls out that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes. The entire crowd then bursts into an uproar as they all begin to claim their perceptions.
Here’s a good article on handling verbal conflicts using ‘rational detachment’. You know my perspective on handling verbal conflicts-empathy, observation, and recognizing that the ‘other’ person has a different perspective on a situation. And you know I recommend asking QUESTIONS before defending yourself. In this article you can pick up a few more tips on detaching from conflict. It’s worth a click: Prevention Prospectives.
Are you prepared to face, confront, and repel a bully or harasser? If you are like most of us, you’re not! Why? Who wants to think they have to prepare for a bully? We have a social contract with the world. That is ‘I treat you with respect, you respond in kind’. But, many people don’t respond to our plan for a healthy workplace. Many people have an agenda different from our own – an agenda to harm, intimidate, or control. Sometimes simply an agenda based on fear of the unknown and a bit of paranoia, and poor leadership and communication skills.
Handling confrontations and attacks that come from bullying and fear and incompetence requires PREPARATION!
Remember the schoolyard bully? Who could forget the grip of fear when witnessing or suffering the assault of a bully! The bully created terror in our hearts by grabbing control of us. The bully used intimidation, humiliation, verbal threats and physical attacks. The bully had groups of followers who enjoyed the limelight created by the bully’s prowess. Everyone else cowered for fear of becoming the next victim. Cowering made sense since no one from the school administration was going to step up to stop the bully’s reign of terror. Sometimes they thought the target deserved it. Sometimes they too were afraid of the bully. And oftentimes they had no rules to use to stop the bully. Possibly they knew that the bully was suffering his/her own terrors and thus reluctant to take action. As children and as targets it was difficult to empathize with the bully and to understand that the bully was actually weak, terrified, and a target. We were suffering the slings and arrows of the bully and we wanted it to stop. As adults it is difficult to be empathize with the bully boss or colleague even though many bullies suffer the same fears and terrors as their schoolyard counterparts. Again we are suffering the consequences of bully behavior and we want it to stop.
But, is schoolyard bullying the same as workplace bullying? Read more….
