From my perspective, and maybe this is heresy, but negotiations are lose/lose propositions. You’re both giving things up. If you’re lucky, you’ll give up what is least important to you and hold on to what’s most important. And that brings us to point two of this report: Know what your CounterPoint wants! This is great advice, however, when you’re dealing with a bully, you cannot predict what the bully wants. You can assume he/she wants power, control, to win, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes the bully’s aggression comes from fear of the unknown, fear of failure, frustration from poor communication skills, or the habit of making all priorities have the same weight so everything is urgent or important and therefore, the bully cannot determine where to give and where to hold firm. If the bully doesn’t know, you can’t predict. You can make some assumptions but you could easily miss the mark.
Posts Tagged ‘confidence connections’
New Building Confidence e-Course!
Tuesday, May 11th, 2010Join me for my free e-course, Building Confidence! During this 3 day e-course you will receive useful
tips to build your confidence as well as encouragement to implement the strategies you will learn.
You will receive Confidence Tips for:
The Shy and Retiring
Handling Difficult People
Increasing Productivity and Fullfillment
The Dirty Little Secret of the Workplace: The Bully Isn’t Wearing Any Clothes
Friday, May 7th, 2010
Reading a list of standard bullying behavior can be a revelation for some people. Far too often we become so accustomed to witnessing acts of incivility that we develop a blind eye to it. This is especially true in the workplace. Verbal insults, withholding of key information, and other blatant, aggressive and manipulative behaviors are sometimes considered standard practice, to the extent that, not only are they tolerated, but they are overlooked or dismissed entirely.
But what do we do when our perceptions are telling us otherwise? You may recall the fairy tale about a Self-centered Emperor who cared only about his clothes. Two con artists come along who promise to make him the finest suit of clothes woven from a fabric that is invisible to anyone who is unfit for his position or “just hopelessly stupid”. The Emperor buys into the idea, and even though he cannot see the cloth himself, he pretends that he can for fear of appearing unfit for his position or stupid; and his ministers do the same. When the suit is supposedly finished, the swindlers pretend to dress him and the Emperor then parades himself before his subjects. At first, everyone remains silent, but then a child in the crowd calls out that the Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes. The entire crowd then bursts into an uproar as they all begin to claim their perceptions.
HANDLING WORKPLACE BULLYING AND ABRASIVE BEHAVIOR IN TEAMS:
Thursday, May 6th, 2010
Transforming a Dysfunctional Collection of Individuals Into a Functional Team
Any executive coach who addresses the issue of dysfunctional teams and workplace bullying will agree that competition is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, healthy competition is a great motivator; on the other hand it can digress into unhealthy and unproductive conflict. And, when conflict escalates as a result of abrasive intimidating or even bullying behavior, or stonewalling and gossip/back-stabbing, then any benefit that might have been gained by competition is lost.
However, many managers are loath to confront negative behavior for fear of creating more problems and delaying projects. This conflict avoidance is common but unhelpful. Soon the conflict is overriding productivity and failure is inevitable.
Here is a solution that indirectly addresses the conflict by putting the emphasis on the structure of the team by clarifying goals and holding everyone accountable.
‘Rational Detachment’
Thursday, April 29th, 2010
Here’s a good article on handling verbal conflicts using ‘rational detachment’. You know my perspective on handling verbal conflicts-empathy, observation, and recognizing that the ‘other’ person has a different perspective on a situation. And you know I recommend asking QUESTIONS before defending yourself. In this article you can pick up a few more tips on detaching from conflict. It’s worth a click: Prevention Prospectives.
